Two Weddings

In what we often call our “past life,” we frequently went to weddings and receptions as it is an important part of any culture. Each culture and even family has its traditions and expectations based on the culture around them, what they have experienced, and what is ‘normal’ for the cultural context. I remember very vividly the dramatic differences in weddings in Idaho, Pennsylvania, and South Carolina and am sure that much of it is culturally driven. This is not necessarily good nor bad, but simply a reflection of the local cultures. Here, the culture puts amazing demands on a couple and as a result, many simply live together, have children together, and never marry because of the cultural barriers that come into play. So, as missionaries, we face into some interesting challenges when people are called to be Pastors and church planters and yet are not married, or maybe have multiple wives.

I am daily challenged in my thinking to realize that all the cultural bias I brought to Mozambique is simply that, bias. I must cast that aside and simply look at God’s word and evaluate the practices by Gods’ word and nothing else. However, even that is fraught with challenge because we all cannot help but read God’s word through our individually culturally-fogged glasses, praying that we might cut through and see God’s truth as simply that, TRUTH.
One of the interesting things for me here is that outside of the cities in Mozambique, life is not so different from the culture that Jesus walked in over 2000 years ago. The stories of the Bible carry direct relevance into the culture here and do not need to be explained, because people truly understand them as written. I have also found it easier and easier to read the Bible ‘as if I was there’ because as I sit on the mat on the floor of the house, I sense that it isn’t so very different now as then. With that comes great encouragement through a different kind of understanding of this timeless book.

Last weekend, we had two weddings of people who are important in our lives here. The first was for one of our Trainers who is tasked with training church planter-pastors as a part of our church multiplication program. We have been ‘encouraging’ this wedding for a very long time and trying to help our trainer through the cultural struggles. (See first photo) The second was for one of our OMS Counselors whose friendship and counsel we treasure greatly. The challenge for us was trying to be two places at the same time, a situation we find ourselves in frequently here and so we have readily adapted to the African proverb “to arrive late means that you were able to attend…”

So, for this blog entry, I’ll write about the second wedding, first. You may remember that last September, I wrote about a dear lady we knew who had died of Malaria. It was sudden, tragic, and touched us deeply. Well, this was our Counselor’s wife. I remember after the funeral, sitting and praying with this man of God in his living room. He loved his wife dearly but still has children at home and because of a previous stroke, he himself has need of someone to help him. So, he boldly asked that God would provide a help-mate for him. It was pure from the heart and full of love and admiration for the wife he had lost, but still a heart-felt cry to God. It was one of those defining moments where you just felt the very presence of God in that quiet place as we prayed together – almost a light shinning in the room kind-of-thing.

Well, here we are six months later and God has answered that prayer. It’s a beautiful story. Our friend and his late wife were very close to a couple in Xai-Xai where our friends frequently taught at a Bible College. The two couples did everything together and had been fast friends for many years. A few years back, the husband of the lady in Xai-Xai died but the friendship continued. Then the wife our friend died and the friendship continued…..to a decision to marry. The photograph is of them at the wedding.

This man is dearly loved here and a wedding here is a two and often three-day affair. We had many responsibilities in our Trainer’s wedding and had to choose and decided to attend part of the second wedding Sunday after church Sunday. We went to the church wedding of our trainer in the morning and left shortly afterwards, arriving around noon at the second affair. Our Pastor friend had the church service in the morning in the area around his house and it had just ended when we arrived. A large area had been set up with a tarp overhead for shade from the strong African sun. Two large mango trees provided additional shade for the others and I estimated several hundred people in attendance.

We were brought in to two chairs under the tarp that had been reserved for us. The bride and groom were seated next to each other with the “God Father” and “God Mother” of the wedding (called Padrinho and Madrinha in Portuguese) on each side of them. As is the tradition here, they were extremely composed, looking very stern, formal, and serious. However, our dear friend did let us see a bit of a twinkle in his eye when we arrived, which warmed our hearts as we knew he was glad we had come.

We arrived at the time the wedding gifts were being presented and that process continued as we walked around and quietly greeted all those we knew (and didn’t know!). These greetings are extremely important culturally and it can take quite a while. We had our name added to the list of people presenting gifts and sat quietly to enjoy this outward demonstration of love for this couple. A man acting much like an “MC” would announce who was next to present and the group would assemble together with their gifts, and then break into song, slowly dancing their way to the area in front of the couple. Then, as the singing continued, the gifts were presented, giving to the Padrinho or Madrinha, who in-turn would provide to the couple, who then passed to the Padrinho who placed it on the table. In some cases, fabric or clothes were draped over the couple, or dishes were provided as “his and hers” with specific instructions that bordered on fun harassment – a great time of laughter and joy. And through it all, the couple keeps their stern look – I’m thinking it must be a cultural challenge to see if you can make them smile! Another man would then write down the gift and who it was from in a small book so the appropriate ‘thank you’s’ could be delivered later at a later date.

When our name was called, we gathered our gifts and since I can’t sing or dance, I challenged the wedding singers/dancers to help me and taught them a new song (thanks Kent Eller for the idea!), and we had a great time singing and dancing and presenting our gifts. It’s not if you can, if you’re good or not, it’s just participating and being part of the process.

Afterwards, a dinner was presented of rice, shema (a corn dish used like rice and similar to grits but MUCH better), chicken topping, and beans with soft drinks. I sat next to one of our other OMS advisors and across from the couple and we enjoyed a wonderful time of conversation. Then, it was time to cut the cake – here you cut the cake into little squares and pile them in a bowl, and everyone takes a little chunk of cake. The bride and groom travel through the crowd feeding the cake a piece at a time to the people who helped with the food or otherwise assisted with everything as a way of saying ‘thanks’.

Then, it becomes a time to talk, fellowship and people gradually depart. Our day started at 7 in the morning and by 7 that night, we were home – a wonderful time but exhausting as my brain starts smoking (short-circuiting) after about three hours of Portuguese.

We did visit with his son and daughter in law, who used to live below us when we first moved to Mozambique. Their daughter, Leonora, was born two days after we arrived and we can easily judge how long we’ve been here by Leonora as she continues to grow. However, they are struggling as Leonora’s dad doesn’t have work right now and so, like so many, they struggle to keep things going each day. In addition, he seems to be having more and more health problems, which is a concern. We spent quite a while just listening and offering suggestions. We make it a point to visit with them from time to time as we feel God has put them in our path for a reason.
As we were leaving, we were asked to take people home – something we do quite a bit of in this land where you use chappas to get around or you walk. The Pastor’s house is way off the beaten track with limited access by chappa. We were able to communicate some with our riders but most didn’t know Portuguese, only the tribal language, so it became more of an exercise in traveling to known landmarks (Shop-rite, Matola), and then upon arrival saying “left”, “right”, etc. So, language in Mozambique is always a bit of a challenge with the older folks, but the younger ones are all good at Portuguese (and some English) because of the emphasis on education.

In the end, I just kept remembering his prayer for another wife – a prayer that he said with certainty and trust while deep in my western mind I’m thinking, “wait a minute – you’re old like me – how are you going to remarry at this point” and yet, six months later, we see the answer. Lord, forgive me for my unbelief! It sounds like the story of Abraham and Sarah and I’m Sarah….

Blessings!

Dave & Ann

“Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son.” Gen. 18:13-14